We are born with the capacity to rage for a good reason; it is our first and most important survival mechanism…it’s an alarm….intended to summon help if our early environment fails and our needs are not being met.
We are NOT born with the ability to reflect on impulse rather than act on it, to think ahead, to connect, to be kind, to be empathic and to be concerned for ourself and others; NOR are we born with the ability to calm ourselves down when stressed, to be self-aware, to problem solve or to be creative and imaginative.
These capacities, which ensure our humanity, stem from a well functioning frontal-cortex; they have to be developed and can only be developed within the crucible of a loving relationship which validates our experience, is attuned to our affect, contains our feelings and soothes us (Kohut, 1971). Without this relational experience we cannot thrive; we cannot sustain relationships or begin to fulfil our potential and make our contribution to the world; instead, we will live our life, brain awash with cortisol, drifting in and out of various states of rage and hurting our self and others as a result.
Sixty years of psychotherapy outcome research has highlighted the importance of the therapeutic relationship in all successful therapy; and thankfully, as we know, the brain has an element of plasticity and can be influenced positively later on in life. This means that rage issues can be organically transformed in an empathic relationship which quietens the amygdala and stimulates the functioning of the frontal-cortex.

